"Our Deepest Fear....."

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

By Marianne Williamson

Aside from Church related context, this qoute stands to be my most favorite.

In a time of my life, when I found myself struggling the most, this qoute empowered me. Even 13 years later, and no longer in Young Womens or Highschool, I turn to this qoute to remind me that it's ok to succeed.

As a 16 year-old, sophomore, and varsity Highschool runner, I was most scared to step out and be somebody. Scared to live up to the expectations of my coach, my parents, and my peers. Scared, not because I didn't think I could do things, but because I knew I could. Scared because I didn't want to live up to the expectations that would follow. I was afraid of always having to live up to myself, and that any failures that might come later would, somehow take it all away. So, by not trying, I had nothing to loose. Silly as it may be, I actually thought this. More specifically, I was scared to be the best. I knew I could run faster than I let myself, and I knew that I could be varsity's top runner. My coach even expressed disappointment in me because he knew I held back. He told me that I could be the best, that I could get scholarships and that I could lead the team. But... to be the BEST meant hard work, dedication, and commitment. All things in which I was not ready for, or what I wanted. Just because I knew I could do it, didn't mean I wanted to. So instead of trying to be the best, embracing my talent, and just going for it. I quit. I gave up and I stopped trying. My senior year, my team took CIF Championships for the State, without me. At first, I didn't care, and told myself that it didn't matter anyways because I was happier to just be me, and not try. It wasn't until years later, that I realized how much it would of meant to me, if I had only tried. What would I have been able to accomplish if I just allowed myself to be "be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, [and] fabulous." Subsequently, in things that followed, I played the mediocre card for a long time. I never put my whole heart in to anything. Who am I to start trying now? I have given up on a lot my dreams. Now I am so disabled that I don't know what it's like to finish anything. To trully feel like I've earned something because I tried really hard for it and I got it.

So now, I'm actually trying to change that about myself. That fear within me to try and to succeed. This blog is to erase my fears, face them, love life and live it. To prove to myself that I can set a goal that I want to achieve and actually achieve it whole heartedly. The second part of this blog is to document the little things that go un noticed normally. I am going to set goals that allow me to find me. To pave my way by doing the things that I have always wanted to do. To step out of my box and do something.